he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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