On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
