areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
