i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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