Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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