Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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