This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
