i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
