I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
