i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
