I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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