One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
