I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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