All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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