when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
this is an emotional support booty call
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
