So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
