Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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