I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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