Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
