:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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