There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
