dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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