he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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