he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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