If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
