He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
