My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
