i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
