If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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