my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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