The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
