omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
