$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
