Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
