I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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