I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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