i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
