Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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