I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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