I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize