I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
