Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
