is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The ass gains better be worth it
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