i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
