last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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