Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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