i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
