is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
