So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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