There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
