He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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