Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
