So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
