He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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