your thong is hanging out like whoa
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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