Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
