I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
