cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
