you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
