They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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