it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Never joke about your clitoris.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
