your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
sarcasm needs its own font
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.