Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.