When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?