You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.