Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
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have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities