Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
