I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
