Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I met the friendliest cop last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize