i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
