I am in a vortex of obligation.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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