we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
