his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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