im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize