White coat. Heels.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
