Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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