The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When are your genitals available?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
