Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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