Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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